Thursday, December 29, 2011

Random Jokes

One day, a blonde goes into a store. She gets an item and walks up to the cashier. She says,"I'd like to buy this TV".
He says,"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes".
The next day, she dyes her hair red and goes back in the store, but the same thing happens.
Finally, she shaves her head and goes back in. When she tries to buy it for the third time, the man refuses.
She says, "How the hell do you know I'm blonde?".

He replied, "First of all, that's a microwave.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies,"if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Southwest Airlines from
Kansas City to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window)
turned to his mother and asked, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby
cats, why don't planes have baby planes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight
attendant. So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant, "If dogs have
baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?"
The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"
The little boy admitted that she did. "Well, then, tell your mother that
there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Now,
let your mother explain that to you."


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As a mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing? 
The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."
The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. 
To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband! Please, go away and leave me alone." 
A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room.
She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy. 
The wife asked, "What the hell are you doing?" 
The husband replied, "I'm watching the ball game with my son-in-law."